queer foundations for masculinity

 what happens to a thought deferred?

does it fester and explode?

I have been coming to accept my creed as a writer slightly more through my practice of writing to understand myself everyday.

I'm only up to 87 out of 10000 punches of gratitude here.

And yet slowly I am coming to realise that my mind goes out into the wild everyday to forage for thoughts.

And perhaps those twisting caverns of the psyche I explore, which would cause insanity to others trying to navigate.

are valuable in themselves. 

so here, I want to talk about an understanding that has been developing but has not yet fully matured inside me. 

Fear

fear is the mind killer.

and not because a dune quote said it, but because it limits the flowering of our imagination.

It is the ceiling on the caverns of our thought.

it is something that keeps us stuck into thought loops in the future, cowering from the fire of this present moment. 

Life is alchemy. It is transforming the basic human we inhabit, distilling it further into its essence until it transforms to gold.

Life is education. Life is refinement.

साक्षरता का दीप अग्यानता के तमस में संभावना का  उजाला जाग्रत करा है ।

there is very little that makes sense here, if not for refinement. 

and self-knowledge is that refinement, that alchemy. 

It allows us to live with ourselves - with all our beauty, and all our not so beautiful parts perhaps tainted irreversibly by society. 

Only in sitting with him and letting the inner child bawl its eyes out, without any expectation of "fixing him" are we getting anywhere real.

Red pill dudes will tell you that any time you ugly cry in front of a woman, your relationship is over. And that really is a projection of their own fear most of the time.

Capital

Conventions are a scam. 

This is the battering ram that queer culture does get right.

I suppose they go too far when they obsessively label anything and everything to the point that they end up recreating convention. But that is a discussion for another time.

conventions are also not often scams because of systematic imbalances and hidden cruelty but rather because of the banality of capital flow. 

I read this post recently about how the rise of incest porn was mostly a capital convenience for the porn industry and its struggling script writers.

Similarly speaking, I suspect that most of our conventional standards of beauty are because of network effects and capital flow. 

People will try to convince you that beauty is objective and break down tips to looksmaxx in every way.

In the same breath, there will be others talking about "inner game" and "presence" and how there's examples of "ugly" people who pulled.

If the metric you are measuring is pulling, then how do you get to decide if someone is uglier than you if they are pulling more?
It's related to our tendency to isolate. It doesn't matter for shit if you can take a 50 yard free kick if you can't run or dribble or play the whole game of football.

And to enunciate my other points, the rising trends of ABGs or "Brown Baddies" getting representation furthers the point of "you are not ugly you were just born poor".

Live the way you want. Live healthier and focus a bit on your appearance if you care for how people judge you. But really it doesn't determine your self worth for shit. and untill you truly realise that deeply in your heart, any looksmaxxing charismamaxxing you do will not alleviate the brittle shell of a person you are. 

Incels

Jordan peterson furthers incel ideology. 

I do not quite know if it is by design or by a cascading effect of political and financial incentives shaping him into a reactionary mess of a worldview.

There are pretty rich and successful incels (and the neoliberal choice feminist femcels too) who will tell you that the dynamics of social interaction are fixed.

But those are rudimentary dynamics. 

Are dominance hierarchies the end-all be all?

The fact is, there is nothing "natural" about how we live in society. 

Spaces are changing, and this is a time of great upheaval. 

We have not yet fully integrated feminine energy into male spaces. 

Incels are men traumatized by the feminine energy. Its beauty makes us recoil away and lose our grounding. We fall into shame and competition. But really, in some senses there is enough for all of us.

One doesn't find a perfect partner, they forge a perfect relationship.

They will tell you that a woman coming into a male group makes all the men try to woo her instead of focusing on the task. 

They will tell you that she will always give in to a more "alpha" man than you and that deep emotional bonds don't mean shit.

They will tell you that women will always extend an empathetic ear and therefore sacrifice the morale of the whole group.

Us "hardcore" men would be ready to die if it meant doing the task in question.

Beneath all of these is a non-acceptance of the fact that women are already here. 

And this fear propagates through the whole dating space in a self-prophesizing manner.

You only need a few shitty, immature, hot and superficial men or women to ruin a whole population's understanding of love.

There is nothing natural about how humans live, so unfortunately you cannot send women back to the kitchen even if you want to.

Sure, you can find someone who truly cares for those things. Whose sole purpose truly is to be a feminine caregiver. And there's nothing wrong with that. 

To say that all other women are "low quality" is an insult really. 
None of us are truly masculine. None of us are truly feminine. 

Sure, you can try to be hypermasculine - inject SARMS, get TRT, go bald and all that pizzaz. And that would be as much of a genuine performance as a trans person taking estrogen.

The fact is that all of our masculinities and femininities are wounded.

Queer culture helps here by allowing the space for ugliness. Allowing the space for failure. Allowing the space for all of us to lick our wounds and accept what we truly are instead of continuing to be suffocated by expectations of roles we didn't ask for.

It triggers insecurities in those who are not comfortable with themselves in the first place.

The narratives about a dionysian societal collapse etc. seem to be doomer takes.

At the same time, I genuinely do not know what comes after we understand and learn to live with our gender identities.

Is a reactionary trad family structure a good unit for social organization or is it another capitalist conspiracy?

Should we privelege our family unit over the broader community and live like the ideal 1950s American Suburban homes?

There was widespread depression, suicides, cheating and substance abuse even then.

But those are takes for a different, more educated version of me to talk about.

This was just a way for me to understand and soothe my masculinity. 

Shame and competition are the masculine wounds.

The way to become a greater man is to give love to the part of you inside them.