Caskets of Mud

In the bustle of the everyday, when we adorn our masks and present confidently, callously in the world around us, we forget that people are not strong. 

Life is never strong, never hard. It's a subtle magic that works through it and never refuses to give up no matter what the circumstance. 

Self organizing into an intelligent response for whatever situation its put into.

There is so much suffering and trauma around us all that the optimal method life has found through these people is to close up and harden up. If not through mannerisms and physical bodies then through actual dead and repetitive patterns in which they seek numbing.

It is painful to see it happen. It is painful, and disheartening when I am watching and suddenly the beauty is gone, and I am just repeating a bunch of patterns.

And the working of the mind is rather subtle. In the subtle flinch you have before taking a compliment, being unable to look someone in their eyes. The pathway of hurt has already been triggered. Was the pain so intense because it reminded you of a childhood where no one was able to give you the love you deserved? For if someone can appreciate you now, that means someone could have done it back then. And yet, there was no one who was able to do it for you. It says to you that you may be stunted as a person now, or broken because of that. 

There is one line of thought that says fuck it, who cares. If there was no love before does not mean that I cannot learn to love now.

Yet even that is to some extent a cop out. The inner child is wailing, yet you go about again fixing the world, how is that different from the situation that created this problem?

Watching the inner child through all this will affect it's own transformation. 

A man can only channel what he posseses.

Grieving through the lack of love perhaps instates with an authenticity the need to show up genuinely for yourself and others.

Each movement in sport or in music, carries with it memory. The influences on your music, all the performances those bands gave, all the emotions of the people in those live shows. It's a mind-bogglingly large network

As we keep going further, and deeper the enormity of the information at that level hits us. Those slumbering depths of the psyche have perhaps never been explored. There is an enormity around it. And a presence that is too boisterous can perhaps not go deeper. 

Thinking in this domain becomes harder, Like trying to swim through black tar. The shapes to be used for thinking here are not clear too because everyday language starts breaking down.

Thought is slow, what is observed is moments of unconsciousness where thought intervenes with random superficial remarks. For at this point thought itself has started shuddering.

It makes one slumber, and the mind chatter until it becomes difficult to go on. Yet one must keep going further.