rant

 RL Agents - there are only goals. Goals in life are frames. Linguistically and through the whole mechanistic process we have a way of setting up our life to change what goals we are maximizing for. 

Or rather even if we don't, we still have the understanding of how we are to deal with life - Victor Frankl -> Even if they take everything from you, you can still find meaning in how you deal with the situations that come up in life. I propose that that is the only way in which we can find meaning - A slave's freedom. 

The only way to have integrity in the process of your thought, to not be a second hand human being is to be integrated. Self education is a step towards it. Saucha of thought is also to check what you allow yourself to be conditioned by. 

The truth might break me. I've been mercilessly conditioned in every way that even when sparks of truth like this arise they can't last long. I feel tired already. There's infinite distraction, an incentive to open netflix or whatsapp or youtube or talk to people or anything. This sensation of pure burning, the feeling that Yoga gives after a long workout of toning to the muscles but for the brain to have a fully coordinated and sane body. It is rare. The world has beaten it out of me and all the others I know

Pure creative endeavour is the natural state of a human being. Having experienced this, how can I go back to believing that the state I was in before was truth? But is it possible to maintain this for all time? going towards either answer is dishonest. Can this awareness be maintained? 

The question was put to Krishnamurti at one point in time. The truth here lies in looking into the very process of thought that asks for this process to be elongated. For this mental state of pure attention to continue. But have I now reduced his beautiful process of thought to a mechanical and sloppy marker for my own brain?

Another easy answer I have gotten for this question is that one must stay in emptiness when one is not engaged. But that is again meaningless for it reduces that emptiness to a prescriptive and sloppy solution for maintaining this state. This state is not mechanical, it is actually the organic process of living. 

I am only able to live if I am ready to die. to my thoughts, beliefs, opinions worldviews, everything. Not hold on to anything at all. Throw it all away this very moment. But am i able to live in that pure emptiness? for it is a scary process. I say that my consciousness is always conditioned, but that conditioning is conscoiusness. I am satisfied with having access to this state once in a while, of pure creativity.  And society has packaged that and sold it to me through my personal conditioning which I have accepted. It is not that of cosmetics, or whores or ambition or spirituality, yet it is still a conditioning.

Though I desperately seek for truth, I am unable to understand in that seeking that what I am seeking is unattainable solely due to the process of seeking. 

In seeking there is desperation, there is stiffness, there is fear in holding on to truth. There is a lack of sleep, there is hatred for one's personality and mannerisms, there is a fear of social interaction, there is misanthropy. There is a need to fix oneself, There is a need to fix others, there is a need to fix society.  There is rationality, there is an insistence on seeing the bitter truth no matter how bitter it gets. A masochism of perception 

Why can I not be here, in clarity and truth all the time? Why is there an insistence to be here. Emptiness and sanity will get me here whenever I want. I am afraid that my desire for truth is not genuine. That is the only plausible explanation. For if one knew that their desire for truth is genuine then there would be no place for fear. 

This place would be accessible whenever necessary, and of course, I have no doubt that I can do anything that I need to do when I am here. There is in fact no differentiation between here and there. For it is all the well of human potential.

 Only those who are really thirsty may draw from it. 

austerity does not create genuine hunger, only devotion does. 

seeking does not create clarity, only truth does.

Namaste