Why I want to (continue to) write this blog

Writing a blog is a rather daunting task. I mean, it probably shouldn't be considering that I have access to my working laptop and an internet connection. The daunting task occurs right before pressing the publish button as I contemplate on how much I will regret posting this blog as compared to the joy I would receive after broadcasting an idea I wanted to share with the world. This confusing calculus of cringing which I'm sure you have felt before posting something to your social media is what determines whether a blog post languishes along with my innumerable other drafts or gets to see the light of day. Even after I have posted something, I constantly wonder whether it is a good enough reflection of my ideas or should it be taken down. Being scared of what you post online is a feeling that we all relate to, but even though we all know the internet is a 'forever archive', there seems to be an irrational belief even past pragmatic considerations. And where there is an irrational fear, there is an unexamined underlying belief. Here I seek to examine that belief and also promise to post this draft the first time I finish writing it as an act of defiance against my ego.

candid perfectionism

what I said above was a lie. Or maybe it wasn't. Would you believe me if I told you it wasn't? 

Unfortunately, with the information you have, there is just no way for you to know whether I am lying or not. Now granted, I am a rather honest person and I would never lie to you, I can't be so sure about the others. (Maybe at this point you can believe that I would never leave such winding thoughts in during the time I edited a draft, so I must not have been lying, but I could have left it in to complete the illusion...

In today's world, especially when we interact online there is absolutely no way to tell whether someone is being genuine with us or not. This is closely linked to the fact that we look at things as someone who would be looking at us looking at them would perceive it. For example, when you look at a beautiful beach, most people these days would see it as an opportunity to click a beautiful picture which would project an enjoyment of the experience. Our own experience of standing at the beach, breathing in the warm breeze and basking in the sunlight is almost superseded by the experience that we perceive others would perceive us as having. As we become closely aware of what the other would perceive us as perceiving, we can also twist this relationship on its head. If I am aware of what the other perceives me as perceiving, the other is also dependant and implicitly assuming that I would act in a way congruent with knowing that I should act in a way that would validate their perception of my perception (I probably lost most people there maybe even myself). Anyway, the bottom line is that they have no way of knowing whether my action is ironic or not as they have become dependant on my very action to validate their perception of my perception of my experience. I forgot how I was supposed to link this with my train of thought but it should probably come back later.

perfectionism causing procrastination

-write later about how perfectionism is just your ego telling you the type of person you are

-when the ego dictates to you type of person you are and the minimum quality of the work you must put out, paralysis is certain

-you can only improve at something by putting out a lot of bad work which gets critiqued and which you work on to improve

-this critique is what clashes with the image that the ego has made of you and what it tries to protect against

-candid perfectionism is a thing now so people's perception of everyday situations is that they should be perfect. the ego creeps into even daily interactions and makes us judge ourselves even more

-that's why I'll not care about judgment and just accept critique as it comes otherwise I'll probably never be able to post this

why i want to continue writing this blog 

"Do not kill the part of you that is cringe, kill the part that cringes"

-Someone probably

The whole creative process is something I find fun and want to improve at. Writing this blog also helps me to periodically articulate some of my ideas better. Those reasons should probably be good enough but the part of me that cringes does not find them good enough. If you post bad content enough you will ruin the trust of the medium which you utilize it says. To that I say, I'm not forcing anyone to believe anything. Even if I was, I have two arguments. 

1) the rather nihilistic post-truth era argument- misinformation is already rampant and there is no hope of actually convincing anyone inside their bubbles through online participation. What does it matter if I also throw my garbage in the dump (not very persuasive I know)

2) the actual argument- I don't actually believe that I am posting something worthless online. Even if this helps very few people to engage with a new perspective, I would be happy enough. Big Data algorithms will probably ensure that someone who doesn't want to click on this site won't (shocker). If someone does regularly come to hate on my blog, I would have the discretion of considering their criticisms or not.

So yeah, I realise that this whole post is pretty much me talking to myself to persuade myself into posting more to my blog, but I do believe that even posting this in it's current form isn't exactly worthless. Also, I stick to my promises (I'm very genuine and honest pls believe me).

This whole post probably applies as much to you and any other medium of content production as it does to me and will only become more relevant with inevitable automation and the shift towards jobs in the entertainment sector.